Man misses the days he was the one that ruined Christmas instead of latest Covid variant
A local man has told us that he misses the days when he was the one who ruined his family’s Christmas plans rather than the…
Christmas
Everyone told to quarantine after Santa tests positive for COVID-19
Almost the entire global population has been told to quarantine after Santa Claus tested positive for COVID-19. Santa Claus reported that he felt tired, rundown…
Fridge beginning to smell like Christmas shat itself
Fridges all over the world are beginning to smell like Christmas shat itself as the smell of piled-up leftovers mingle together to form one festive…
Young ‘virgin’ gives birth in shed to boy with unknown father in typical Burnley Friday event
A young woman who claims to be a virgin has given birth in a draughty shed to a boy with an unknown father in what…
Jubilant Boris Johnson breaks out the mistletoe belt buckle after securing Brexit deal
Boris Johnson is so overjoyed at securing a Brexit deal on Christmas Eve that he has broken out his mistletoe belt buckle. After it looked…
Self-employed man accuses self of sexual harassment at work’s Christmas party
A self-employed man has accused himself of sexual harassment after things got ‘out of hand’ at his work’s Christmas party. Mike Hock, 34, works alone…
Scrooge visited in the night by Jacob Rees-Mogg telling him he’s doing an excellent job
Ebenezer Scrooge claims that he was visited in the night by a ghastly figure calling himself Jacob Rees-Mogg who told him he was doing an…
Idiot tells morons to use their common sense
Boris Johnson has asked for people whose best judgement led them to vote for him to use their common sense to stay safe from Covid-19…
Woman to self-isolate during holiday visit to parents
A local woman plans to self-isolate before and during her trip to see her parents over Christmas, she’s revealed. Ann Tomlin, 38, will be making…
Man with everyone’s wish list, address and a vast delivery network refuses to play Santa
A man who has the means to be a real-life Santa Claus has once again chosen not to this Christmas. Jeff Bezos, the CEO of…