Report: No one has a clue what day it is
Absolutely no one has a fucking clue what day it is after the Christmas/New Year period has once again successfully clouded the minds of everyone….
Christmas
Mariah Carey FURIOUS after receiving a lot for Christmas
Mariah Carey is reportedly furious at her latest beau, Bryan Tanaka, after he gave her a large car park this Christmas. “I simply can’t understand…
Queen to begin her Christmas Day speech with a minute’s flatulence
Queen Elizabeth II will begin her Christmas Day speech with a minute’s flatulence in way of a review of the past year, according to our…
The “Christmas spirit” is booze
People should be drinking as many as eight glasses of booze a day, according to experts in the field of Christmas. Eight daily glasses of…
Jesus begins getting the drinks in for his upcoming birthday
Jesus Christ has begun the process of getting the drinks in for his upcoming birthday. Eyewitnesses reported seeing Jesus carrying multiple packs of water back…
SpaceX rocket crashes into Santa Claus
SpaceX’s Falcon 9 rocket has crashed into Santa Claus, leaving Christmas in jeopardy. The rocket launched during the early hours of Tuesday in the United…
Forget “Die Hard”, “Rocky IV” is the ultimate Christmas movie
Once again it’s that time of year when the mundane debate about whether or not “Die Hard” is a Christmas movie. I say, who cares?…
One way to prepare your Christmas ham
I think we can all agree that a Christmas turkey has become blasé. We’re all sick and tired of sitting down on Christmas Day and…
Chris Rea releases “Driving Home for Christmas” follow-up “Dying for a Piss in a Traffic Jam”
Middlesborough rock legend Chris Rea will release a follow-up to his immensely popular 1988 song “Driving Home for Christmas” called “Dying for a Piss in…
Just 1,000 cups of tea until Christmas, Britain declares
Britain has declared that its citizens can expect to drink just another thousand cups of tea before Christmas Day. The announcement has made Britain realise…