Friends tell man he needs to stay in more
Friends of a local man have told him firmly that he needs to stay in more after he ruined yet another night out. While they…
Alcohol
‘Christmas spirit’ just booze, people confirm
Any feelings of ‘Christmas spirit’ are purely down to the amount of alcohol drunk around Christmas time, people have confirmed. That warming glow the season…
Weekend of ‘limitless possibilities’ already limited to recovering from hangover
A weekend off work that had almost ‘limitless possibilities’ has already been strictly handcuffed to recovering from Friday night’s hangover. With a full two days…
Man on two week ‘alcohol only diet’ successfully loses fourteen days
A local man who took on a strict two week diet containing only alcoholic beverages successfully managed to lose fourteen days, it’s emerged. The man,…
Even moderate drinking may cause brain damage, accordion two zion tits
Scientists are warning that even moderate drinking may cause permanent drain bamage and that the first thing affected will be your reading able titty. Even…
Beer shit
Mankind has advanced enough to finally admit that beer is a terrible drink. Beer has remained the most popular alcoholic drink for hundreds of years,…
Woman mainly using maths degree to work out how drunk she can get for a fiver
A local woman has revealed that she mainly uses her years of study in the field of mathematics to work out how pissed she can…
BNP switches from politics to deadly export brewery
The BNP has officially lost its status as a recognised political party after failing to pay a £25 registration but has announced they will be…
Dryathlon participants realising how shit life is without alcohol
Five days into the new year and dryathlon participants are already beginning to realise just how thoroughly shit life is without alcohol. The dryathlon is…