31 BC: The Battle of Shuttlecock. A war between two armies over whether the object that badminton players hit should be called a shuttlecock or a shuttledick. You can probably work out for yourself which side won.

1191 AD: King Richard uses his royal powers to change his nickname from “puma pants” to “lionheart”.

1666: The Great Fire of London begins at 2am due to a man leaving the TV on overnight. 80% of London is destroyed in what is now considered a “Northerner’s dream”.

1934: The birth of Theodore Clanger, widely regarded as the greatest slide whistle player of all time.

1945: Japan retires from World War II to spend more time making anime.

1970: NASA cancels two planned trips to the moon after the astronauts in the back of the shuttles won’t stop misbehaving.

1988: Scientists create the first-ever lamp with artificial intelligence. The lamp has many great ideas, all of which are ignored.

2001: A space odyssey.