Scotland has officially banned the act of spanking in what some suspect is a move to avoid further visits from pervy members of the Conservative Party.

The law was initially designed to protect children from abusive parenting practices but could also be used to keep Conservatives out of Scotland.

‘The average Conservative MP pays to be spanked several times a day,’ the sexual record keeper for parliament told us.

Conservative MPs will have to remain in England to get their kinky kicks and will only be able to leave Scotland with red faces rather than red arses.

Boris Johnson has already announced he has no further plans to visit Scotland in the future, something that has caused a parade through the streets of Scotland.