News reaches us today that producers of pornographic films are asking for their work to be reclassified by the British Board of Film Censors (BBFC).

‘Put simply,’ an industry insider told us today, ‘the letter X no longer seems to give people the idea of something exceptional, extreme or dangerous. It’s as though the very essence of its sense has been somehow cheapened. We’re at a loss to explain it.’

Sales of X-rated films have been in steady decline since 2004, although pornographers are confounded as to why. This reporter spoke to a BBFC representative to try to get a feel for the mood of the market.

‘Well,’ said Miss Honor Eposition, ‘we have some sympathy for this request, to be honest, because the letter X, which used to suggest something a bit saucy, now seems to be associated with utter mundanity. Indeed, since the launch of certain contemporary television programmes, the letter X seems to just suggest something bland, mundane and passionless in most people’s minds – the concept of mere paid actors who are just going through the motions without actually feeling anything. With a sound-track dubbed on afterwards…’ She hesitated for a moment.

‘Actually, maybe we’ll just leave things the way they are.’