A pro-active Queen Elizabeth II has opened an account on Tinder, while her husband lies ill in hospital.

Faced with the prospect of spending her twilight years alone, Queen Elizabeth II has opened an account on Tinder as a precautionary measure.

‘Her Majesty is still very hopeful that Prince Philip pulls through this, but she wants to have a back-up plan in case he doesn’t.

‘Her Tinder account is now open and active. She’s already had several matches and has said she’s very happy with her experience so far,’ said a spokesperson for the Royal Family.

The Queen’s Tinder bio contains several mentions of her fabulous wealth, a more veiled reference to her doofus children, and an explicit desire for a well-hung stud.

‘Short-dicked men need not apply,’ reads the final line of the bio.