Prince Philip has left hospital after a successful procedure in which doctors hooked him up to four teenagers to siphon off their vitality.

The bodies of the previously healthy teenagers were disposed of shortly after the procedure had concluded.

This isn’t the first time Prince Philip has been given the procedure, having first siphoned teenage vitality back in 1992. However, four teenagers is the largest number of teens that the Duke of Edinburgh has had to use, showing that he clearly isn’t in the best of health.

‘He started off only draining one teenager each time he had the procedure. The fact that he’s having to do four at a time now is certainly of concern,’ said one royal aide.

It’s believed that Prince Philip, 99, is desperate to cling on to life until he hits 100 so he can receive a telegram from the Queen.

Meanwhile, Prince Andrew is said to be ‘extraordinarily jealous’ that his father exchanged bodily fluids with four teenagers and has been pestering him for details.

‘Were they girls? What did they look like?’ asked Prince Andrew, as soon as Prince Philip got through the door.