Prince Charles has offered the Met Police £12 million if they stop investigating claims that his charity offered honours to help a Saudi citizen.

It’s alleged that Prince Charles’ former valet Michael Fawcett offered to help secure an honour for a Saudi citizen.

The police have yet to make any arrests or interview anyone under caution, indicating that they’re likely going to take the money.

“You have to remember, this incident happened in the past and we’re powerless to arrest anyone for criminal deeds that occurred in the past anyway.

“We could do a lot of good with an extra £12 million in our coffers. That’s a lot of extra batons to beat down peaceful protesters with,” said a spokesperson for the Metropolitan Police.

Clarence House reiterated its stance that Prince Charles knew nothing of the alleged events or anything else going on at that time.

“We believe he was at a Pizza Express in Woking,” they said.