Scientists have warned that human penises are shrinking because of pollution, possibly explaining Boris Johnson’s weight loss over the last year.

Dr Shanna Swan found a significant rise in the number of phthalates in the environment. Phthalates are a chemical used to manufacture plastics and they’ve been linked to a reduction in the size of human penises.

And it’s hard not to notice that one of the biggest penises in Britain has shrunk quite significantly over the last year.

‘Prime Minister Boris Johnson looks to have lost 50lbs in the last year or so despite not doing any more exercise than he used to or changing his diet. We can only surmise that the phthalates in the environment are having a major affect on him,’ said one expert.

While he is one of the biggest penises in Britain, even after his weight loss, Boris Johnson is also an owner of a penis. He claims this has been unaffected by pollution so far.

‘It wasn’t exactly a monster to begin with. Carrie calls it The Tiddler. Doctors say my brain has a similar size issue. I’m not sure if that’s due to pollution or not though,’ said the Prime Minister.