A penis has declared its intentions to wait until it’s back in its underwear before releasing the final two drips of urine it’s currently holding.

The penis, 38, believes for some reason that this is what its owner would want.

‘I’m sure John wouldn’t want to waste all of his urine in this dirty urinal. He’d want to hold a little back for his underwear,’ the penis told us.

‘Why the fuck would you think I’d want that?’ John shouted back at his schlong.

The penis will now be left to live in warm, damp and slightly acrid conditions until the underwear is given time to dry. This will take roughly the same amount of time as John’s need to urinate again.

‘It’s the perfect system,’ the penis declared, in all its clammy glory.