Two parents-to-be have spent all day deciding on which two perfectly reasonable names they can smash together to create a uniquely hyphenated clusterfuck of handle for their child.

Benold and Millie-Hyacinth Thostenson are expecting their baby to be born in four months time and talks over the name of the child have really begun to take shape.

While the couple have decided they don’t want to know the sex of the baby until it is born, they do know they want to ruin two perfectly acceptable names by smashing them together.

‘Our child is going to be unique and special so it needs a unique and special name,’ reasoned Benold.

The parents-to-be are choosing their favourite normal names and putting them in a hat to create unholy abominations.

‘The beauty of pushing two names together is that you not only get a unique name but it becomes gender proof too. There are a lot of Emmas, Adams, Claires and Josephs around – but how many Emma-Josephs or Adam-Claires? None…for some reason,’ said Millie.

Friends of the couple have advised them to save money for a future lawsuit from their child on account of the inevitable trauma their name will cause.