‘We can change, baby. We just need a fourth chance,’ Tories tell battered Britain
The Conservative Party has pledged to undo all the really fucking nasty stuff they’ve done over the last nine years if voters just give them…
Trump told UFC jeers were actually fans chanting ‘Doooonald! Doooonald!’
Donald Trump’s handlers told him that fans jeering him at UFC 244 were chanting ‘Doooonald! Doooonald!’ in support of the president. President Trump received, at…
Children who learn French have a better chance of giving up on life sooner
Children who learn French have a better chance of giving up on life sooner than their non-French speaking counterparts, according to research. A study has…
Asian boy kicked out of his family after only scoring a B+ on his blood test
A young Asian boy has been kicked out of his family after shaming them by only scoring a B+ on his blood test. The low…
Police should be able to have sex with suspects, says Cressida Dick
The Home Office has announced that undercover police officers can have sex with suspects if it makes them more plausible. This has raised some interesting…
Man arrested after offering candy to children one day too late
A man has been arrested after offering children free candy one day beyond when that’s acceptable behaviour. Benjamin Grower, 34, was arrested by two officers…
Islamic State names Tommy Robinson as its new leader
The so-called Islamic State has named controversial hate preacher Tommy Robinson as its new leader after the death of Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. An IS spokesman…
Brexit riots pushed back due to record number of arthritic hips playing up
Proposed Brexit riots have been pushed back due to a record number of arthritic hips playing up, it’s emerged. Brexiters have planned to take to…
Dick Braine stands down as UKIP leader, to be replaced by Bill End
Dick Braine has officially stood down as the leader of UKIP and will be replaced by Bill End for the 2019 general election. Braine was…
Bear Grylls admits disappointment over sales of his new brand of lemonade
Adventurer Bear Grylls has today admitted disappointment over the low sales of his brand of lemonade that was released last week. Bear was hoping to…