Report: No one has a clue what day it is
Absolutely no one has a fucking clue what day it is after the Christmas/New Year period has once again successfully clouded the minds of everyone….
Mariah Carey FURIOUS after receiving a lot for Christmas
Mariah Carey is reportedly furious at her latest beau, Bryan Tanaka, after he gave her a large car park this Christmas. “I simply can’t understand…
Queen to begin her Christmas Day speech with a minute’s flatulence
Queen Elizabeth II will begin her Christmas Day speech with a minute’s flatulence in way of a review of the past year, according to our…
The “Christmas spirit” is booze
People should be drinking as many as eight glasses of booze a day, according to experts in the field of Christmas. Eight daily glasses of…
Jesus begins getting the drinks in for his upcoming birthday
Jesus Christ has begun the process of getting the drinks in for his upcoming birthday. Eyewitnesses reported seeing Jesus carrying multiple packs of water back…
SpaceX rocket crashes into Santa Claus
SpaceX’s Falcon 9 rocket has crashed into Santa Claus, leaving Christmas in jeopardy. The rocket launched during the early hours of Tuesday in the United…
Forget “Die Hard”, “Rocky IV” is the ultimate Christmas movie
Once again it’s that time of year when the mundane debate about whether or not “Die Hard” is a Christmas movie. I say, who cares?…
“Lone wolf” wouldn’t be so alone if he wasn’t such a bellend
A man who describes himself as a “lone wolf” wouldn’t be so alone if he wasn’t such a bellend, it’s emerged. Michael Clarke, 37, lives…
Zuckerberg scraps metaverse after someone wrote “NERD” on his avatar’s forehead
Mark Zuckerberg has scrapped Facebook’s plans to build a fully functioning metaverse after his avatar was repeatedly written on while it was asleep. The final…
Snob watching adult film claims the book was better
A snob watching an adult film claims that the movie has missed a lot of key plot points from the novel it was based on….