Owen Paterson has been forced to resign his position as a Member of Parliament over his OnlyFans account, it’s emerged.

While many believe that Paterson, 65, resigned over his lobbying scandal, it was another scandal altogether that made the Conservative decide to quit.

“I’ve been running an OnlyFans account for a couple of years and it makes me a lot of money. You’d be surprised how many people want to see a Member of Parliament’s member.

“But once the powers that be found out, they told me I couldn’t be an MP while displaying my wanger on the internet. Since I make more money on OnlyFans, I decided to quit the day job and throw my whole ass into the OnlyFans thing,” said Paterson.

Paterson, who goes by “TheKnobbyLobby” on OnlyFans, considers his modelling to be a far less grubby career than politics.

“It’s going to be nice to be able to be proud of my career for once,” he told us.