45 BC: Icarus becomes the first man to fly to the sun after inventing sunblock.

1618 AD: Sir Walter Raleigh is executed by the order of King James after he refused to give him a free bike.

1787: Mozart’s opera “Don Giovanni” opens in Prague. It fails to attract much of an audience as “Fast and the Furious” is playing at the cinema across the street.

1994: An intrepid explorer discovers the last remaining pub toilet that’s well maintained.

1998: John Glenn returns to space some 36 years after his initial voyage. He reported that nothing had changed and that it was all a massive waste of time.

2002: Bono takes off his sunglasses for the first time in fifteen years and finally finds what he’s been looking for.

2011: Jimmy Savile beats his sickening addiction to oxygen.

2015: China announces the end of their one-child policy. The rest of the world urges the United States of America to adopt it.