The government has announced that it will employ hundreds of the nation’s biggest sluts to help suck carbon out of the air to help reach carbon neutral goals.

Hundreds of green new jobs will be dished out to unemployed sluts in a move that will help tackle both climate change and employment rates.

The team of sluts will be deployed all across the nation to suck carbon out of the air in return for fantastic benefits and a generous pay package.

“Ooh, I do like a nice package!” giggled Tiffany, a hot favourite for a position within the team.

The biggest suckers are likely to go on to lucrative careers as government secretaries.

If the scheme proves to be a success, more sluts could join the team as the green industry grows.

“This is the most exciting time to be a slut since Ancient Greece,” one expert told us.