A local man has been hospitalised after overdosing on news about the Royal Family. His condition is described as critical.

James Rand, 22, is in critical condition after overdosing on news about the Royal Family. The terrible incident occurred despite the fact that Mr Rand couldn’t give two shits about them.

‘I think this just goes to show how much news about the Royal Family there is on all forms of media at this moment in time. If there isn’t a significant cutback, that poor young man won’t be the last,’ one expert told us.

James was found by his flatmate, slumped over his phone in his bedroom. It appears that he was scrolling through Twitter when the overdose occurred.

His family and friends are now gathered around his hospital bed. They are trying to talk about anything more interesting than the Royal Family in the hopes it will help James.

‘So far we’ve been talking about how long it took us to drive to the hospital, the queue at the Post Office last Friday, the death of the 4-4-2 formation, and all the different kinds of junk mail we’ve all received. All more interesting than the fucking Royal Family,’ James’ father told us.