A local man has revealed that he can’t wait until the day when he can resume never washing his hands.

Scott Laurer, 34, has recently started regularly washing his hands to prevent himself from catching the coronavirus but already longs to return to the good all days.

‘My hands are red and dry from washing them all the time. I miss the good old days where I’d only wash my hands if I directly got piss or shit on them.

‘I know the coronavirus is something that should be taken seriously so I’m doing my bit. The moment this all clears up though, my hands will return to their previous unwashed glory,’ Scott told us.

Many men share this sentiment with Scott as statistics reveal that only 30% of men washed their hands after using the bathroom until recently. Since that statistic came from men’s own claims, it’s likely accurate to say half of them were lying and that only 15% were washing their hands.

Those who continue to not wash after using the bathroom could be forced to register their hands as lethal weapons.