A man who describes himself as a “lone wolf” wouldn’t be so alone if he wasn’t such a bellend, it’s emerged.

Michael Clarke, 37, lives alone, doesn’t have any close friends and tends to find himself flying solo in the office. He has used this to declare himself a “lone wolf” or “omega man”.

“I’ve got my own things going on. I don’t need other people dragging me down,” he told us.

However, the fact of the matter is that Michael’s just a massive bellend that no one can stand to be around for more than five minutes.

“He describes himself as a ‘free-thinker’ and a ‘straight-talker’. I think we all know what that means,” one of his colleagues told us.

Secretly, Michael would love nothing more than to have a lot of friends. That’s why he started a support group for lonely people. Sadly, no one showed up.