One kind of kiddy fiddler is set to meet an entirely different sort of kiddy fiddler in what is being described as an ‘ill-thought-out press opportunity’.

Prince Andrew will meet young violinist Tessa Higham, both of whom will be flanked by security for their own personal safety.

Tessa Higham is considered to be one of the finest young violinists of her generation while Prince Andrew is considered to be a nonce.

‘I don’t know who okayed this but someone fucked up big time,’ one royal staffer told us.

However, the British press is expected to go easy on Prince Andrew because he isn’t biracial or anything controversial like that.

Just a nonce.