8357 BC: Local pervert discovers that cows produce milk.

8356 BC: First report of lactose intolerance.

695 BC: Zeus apologises for craters on the moon caused by his attempt to have sex with it.

1527 AD: Niccolo Machiavelli dies, although some suspect this to be little more than a Machiavellian trick to confuse his enemies. Could still be alive to this day.

1847: Karl Marx begins working on the downfall of football.

1963: Paul VI elected Pope of the Roman Catholic Church. Many fans of Catholicism blame Pope Paul VI for ruining the Pope Paul franchise as there hasn’t been another one since.

1982: Prince William born to Prince Charles and Princess Diana, although conspiracy theorists believe that Diana isn’t William’s real mother.

1994: First work email sent. It doesn’t find the recipient well.