40,293 BC: Aliens land on Earth and decide to tinker with some monkeys. The results are disastrous.

69 AD: Year proclaimed nice by all.

1535: Sir Thomas More named the second James Bond.

1543: England and Scotland sign the Treaty of Greenwich, marking the end of all troubles between the two nations once and for all. ONCE AND FOR ALL!

1688: Toyoda Takahiro, the zen poet, stubs his toe and moves into his hopping mad poet phase.

1867: Canada invented by people who saw the United States of America and thought ‘That’s a bit much.’

1967: Birth of Pamela Anderson, the inventor of the red swimsuit.

2004: Method actor Marlon Brando dies to research an upcoming role as a ghost. The film is never made, meaning Brando died for nothing.

2007: England passes a public smoking ban. Without the smell of smoke masking everything, many pubs are forced to clean for the first time.

2019: James Corden added to terror watchlist.