0 AD: Jesus suffers from his first case of nappy rash. He recovers within moments simply by touching the affected area.

1780: God invents the duck-billed platypus after throwing leftover scraps from other animals together. It proves to be the final animal He makes.

1815: First flat horse race held at Cheltenham after the invention of the horse flattener.

1912: 42 inches of rain falls in Manchester on the city’s driest day on record.

1940: Nazi scientists produce the “penalty kick” - a weapon of awesome power. It fails to win World War II for Germany but continues to give England problems for the rest of its existence.

1978: Bob Dylan performs in front of 200,000 people – many of whom are still recovering.

1988: Popular Christmas movie “Die Hard” is released…in July.

2006: The online microblogging service Twitter is launched. It takes Twitter just ten years to completely destroy the fabric of American society.

2012: Police make horrific discovery under the home of Geoffrey Wright. The small basement contains over a dozen “Best of Jim Davidson” DVDs.