While Olympians are undoubtedly in superb physical condition, it is the mental aspect of sport that separates the champions from the also-rans.

But how do you conquer the mental aspect of sport that is so vital to success? To find out, we asked a fat bloke in a pub who seemed to have a lot of opinions on the matter.

Pressure

Pressure? Don’t talk to me about pressure. These athletes don’t know the meaning of the word pressure. Pressure isn’t running 100 metres and getting your job done in under ten seconds. Pressure is having to work 9-5 every single day and then not even knowing if the pubs are open. That’s pressure. Not knowing where your next pint is coming from, that’s pressure.

That’s the problem with these Olympic athletes they’re too far removed from the real world and the things that matter.

Emotion

You’ve got to be able to control your emotions when you’re competing at the top. Not a day goes by at my job that I don’t want to call someone a c*nt or deck my boss or walk out. But I don’t. Can’t afford to in my game.

I just take a deep breath and wait for the next customer.

Confidence

You’ve got to have confidence in yourself. Got to. I’m confident that I could beat anyone I come across in a fight and people sense it. They’re always avoiding me because they know that I know that I could twat them. It’s just an aura I give off.

You go into the Olympics without that level of confidence and you’re going to lose every single time.

Pints

If you’re struggling with your mental health, there’s nothing a few pints won’t fix. I like to start my day with a pint and go from there.