1427: The birth of Joe Biden.

1531: King Henry VIII wins his first and last Slimmer of the Week award.

1743: The first American hospital begins admitting patients in Pennsylvania. Families of the sick are still paying off the bills to this day.

1975: Margaret Thatcher becomes the first female leader of the Conservative Party and goes on to prove that women are just as capable as men at fucking over an entire country.

1990: After serving 27 years, Nelson Mandela is released from prison/dies in prison - depending on your memory of events.

1999: The first flushing toilet in Burnley is built. Residents refer to the device as “cursed magic” and promptly smash it apart.

2003: Scientists discover that Neanderthals likely went extinct after their version of the Conservative Party remained in power for over ten years.