The definition of being “fully vaccinated” against Covid-19 is set to change from having two shots to being permanently hooked up to a vaccination drip.

With vaccine immunity beginning to wane and a number of new variants on the horizon, many countries will now change the definition of what it means to be fully vaccinated.

While two shots were typically seen as being fully vaccinated, people will now be required to be permanently hooked up to a vaccination bag that injects a little of the vaccine inside the patient every hour.

“It’s kind of like a reverse colostomy bag in a lot of ways,” one doctor told us.

The vaccination bag will be free to everyone and will come pre-installed with a copy of Windows 11.

“This all sounds very dystopian to me; I’d much prefer an Apple OS,” said Tristan Couch, a person too stupid to avoid someone coming towards him with a clipboard.