Covid-19 has agreed to begin withdrawing itself from humanity so that people can go back to killing themselves and each other.

After a drawn-out war between the two sides, Covid-19 will begin to withdraw from humanity within the coming years.

“It will be a slow process. We won’t withdraw all at once. We’ll probably release a new, even milder variant as a bridge so that humanity can get used to life without us, and then we’ll withdraw entirely,” said a spokesperson for Covid.

The war has been costly for both sides. The economy has been left in tatters thanks to Covid, while Covid has been forced to spend time in the bodies of some truly horrific human beings.

“Donald Trump was a personal lowlight of the campaign for us,” said the spokesperson. “Boris Johnson wasn’t a pleasant experience either. We didn’t have time to kill either of them before we wanted out.”

Once Covid has fully withdrawn from humanity, it’s expected that people will go back to killing themselves with more traditional methods including poor diet, lack of exercise and excessive alcohol consumption.