The Conservative Party claim they have installed an undercover Tory into Labour to help the nation feel safer.

Hot on the heels of police promising to put plainclothes officers in nightclubs to help protect women, the Conservative Party they have already done a trial run of a similar scheme.

‘We installed a Conservative into Labour a while ago now. I don’t want to give away who it is but his name rhymes with Beer Calmer. We want the nation to feel like there’s a safe hand on the rudder.

‘The people don’t want radical ideas like a fair living wage, better pay for public servants, a properly funded NHS, competent pandemic management or a green revolution. They want British flags, posh voices and cronyism,’ said our Conservative source.

The Labour Party has issued a statement on the serious allegation that reads: ‘I’m sure they had a good reason for doing it. The last thing the country needs right now is to turn this into a bigger issue than it is.’

The Tory Party B-Team is currently 6-points behind in the polls.