Johnson promises to deliver Brexit in two weeks or he’ll ruin the economy for free
PM Boris Johnson has promised that he will deliver Brexit in the next two weeks or he’ll ruin the economy for free. Johnson made the…
Politics
Government backtracks and say they’ll accept name tag in underwear as voter ID
The British government will backtrack on voter ID after a strong backlash forced them to rethink their plans. Instead of photographic ID, voters will now…
Pervert disappointed after realising it wasn’t the ‘Queen’s peach’
A pervert has been left thoroughly disappointed after expecting to see the Queen’s peach today, only to be greeted with her waffling on about politics…
Conservative Party makes itself illegal after promising to get tough on the causes of crime
The Conservative Party has accidentally made itself illegal after pledging to get tough on the causes of crime, it’s emerged. Boris Johnson and leading figures…
Scotland bans spanking to avoid further visits from pervy Tory MPs
Scotland has officially banned the act of spanking in what some suspect is a move to avoid further visits from pervy members of the Conservative…
Anthropologist discovers last British woman who hasn’t slept with Boris Johnson
An anthropologist believes they have discovered the final remaining British woman who hasn’t inexplicably had sex with Boris Johnson. The discovery is one-in-thirty-million and is…
Rees-Mogg punished by nanny after being caught looking at Victorian erotic lithographs
Jacob Rees-Mogg has been sent to bed without any supper after his nanny caught him looking at Victorian erotic lithographs again. The incident marks the…
Labour leaps to 37047734 point lead in the polls, according to Diane Abbott
The Labour Party has jumped to a 37047734 point lead in the polls, according to figures provided by Diane Abbott. Such a lead would likely…
Brexiteers threaten to riot if they don’t get the worse living conditions they voted for
A group of Brexiteers is threatening to riot through London if they don’t get the worse living conditions they voted for three years ago. The…
Boris Johnson denies allegations that he once told the truth
Prime Minister Boris Johnson has today denied allegations that he once told the truth, a serious accusation against any Conservative politician. The allegation comes after…