Tommy Robinson finally manages to get an asylum seeker imprisoned
Far-right campaigner Tommy Robinson today achieved his goal of getting an asylum seeker sent to prison. The cocaine-fueled former EDL leader let out a cry…
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Woman FURIOUS that ribbed condoms don’t taste like ribs
A local woman is suing Durex after she discovered that ribbed condoms taste absolutely nothing like delicious barbecue ribs. Elizabeth Crowley, 27, was disgusted when…
Tragedy: Undercover bee dies in sting operation
An undercover bee has died after a sting operation took a tragic turn last night, according to reports. The bee was attempting to infiltrate a…
Oxo accused of monopolising the stock market
The Oxo company are under investigation by the British Monopoly Board over allegations that it has monopolised the stock market. The stock market is at…
Disappointing: Not one superhero has come out of Chernobyl yet
Chernobyl has yet to produce so much as a single superhero, despite its radioactive nature being the perfect environment for one. After the Chernobyl disaster…
Super-Gonorrhoea to join The Avengers
Super-Gonorrhoea will join The Avengers after the group of super-heroes realised they needed to boost their numbers after recent events. Super-Gonorrhoea had previously been acting…
Murder to be decriminalised so it can become regulated and safer
Murder will be decriminalised and regulated, making it a safer practice for almost everyone involved. The global government has decided to decriminalise murder after studies…
Businessman who paid £35.20 in tax lambasted by rich mates for paying so much
A multi-millionaire businessman who paid £35.20 in tax last year is being lambasted by all his rich mates for having paid so much. Frank Timis…
Man crumbling under the pressure of having to press train’s ‘open door’ button
A man who’s found himself head of the queue to leave a train is now absolutely crumbling under the pressure of having to press the…
Eggs to be legally reclassified as chicken in Alabama restaurants
Eggs are to be legally reclassified as chicken in all Alabama restaurants, cafés, eateries and slophouses from now on, it’s emerged. The decision was made…