‘It was actually 10,000 underage girls,’ claims dirty old Duke of York
The Duke of York has come forward to correct claims that he had 10,000 men, instead stating that it was 10,000 underage girls he bedded….
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Struggling encyclopedia salesman certain internet fad will die out soon
A struggling encyclopedia salesman is certain that this current internet fad will die out soon and that sales of encyclopedias will boom once again. Kevin…
4-year-old disappears after using his mother’s 5-year anti-ageing cream
A 4-year-old boy has disappeared entirely after he used a tub of his mother’s 5-year anti-ageing cream, according to reports. It’s believed that the curious…
Pathetic! So-called ‘intelligent’ dolphin can’t even walk or speak English
A so-called ‘intelligent’ dolphin has drawn the ire of a group of humans who’ve discovered that it can’t even walk or speak English. Dolphins have…
Ginger found ‘dried up like a slug covered in salt’ in record heatwave
A ginger has been found dead after foolishly attempting to sunbathe in a record heatwave, it’s emerged. Kelly Hucknall, 26, was found badly burned and…
Daily Squat granted exclusive interview with Queen Elizabeth II
Daily Squat was unexpectedly granted a rare audience with Her Majesty the Queen of Great Britain, Ireland and the British Dominions beyond the Seas this…
Tommy Robinson fisted in prison showers by ‘hard pensioner’
Tommy Robinson has been fisted so hard in the prison showers that he collapsed, according to our sources in HMP Belmarsh. Robinson, whose real name…
Jeffrey Epstein denied bail despite having network of other people’s children to look after
Jeffrey Epstein was denied bail today despite the fact he has a whole network of other people’s children to look after. Epstein’s lawyer pleaded with…
Businessmen hail dying planet for all the profit it’s made them
Businessmen are celebrating a dying planet for all the profit it’s made them at a glitzy event fuelled by ego, avarice and cocaine. Almost a…
Tommy Robinson finally manages to get an asylum seeker imprisoned
Far-right campaigner Tommy Robinson today achieved his goal of getting an asylum seeker sent to prison. The cocaine-fueled former EDL leader let out a cry…