People need to eat FIVE chocolate bars a day, suggests Dr Cadbury
People aren’t getting enough chocolate in their diet and must try to eat FIVE different kinds of chocolate bars every day to meet requirements, according…
Health
Blood donated by pervert rushes straight to the genitals every time it’s used
Blood donated by a total pervert always rushes straight to the genitals every time it’s used on a patient, according to concerned doctors. Certified pervert…
Cyclist gets his resting heart rate down to ZERO after being hit by a bus
A city cyclist has achieved one of their lifelong dreams by getting their resting heart rate down to zero after they were hit by a…
Runner withers and dies after being unable to tell anyone they went for a jog
A runner has completely withered and died after being left unable to tell anyone they’d just been for a jog. Ryan Irving, 32, was found…
Satirist hospitalised after suffering from Brexit fatigue
A satirist has been hospitalised after suffering from the first case of ‘Brexit fatigue’, a deep tiredness caused by being absolutely sick of Brexit. The…
First baby born to have a chance of outliving Keith Richards, believe doctors
Doctors believe that a baby has been born who has a decent chance of outliving Rolling Stones’ guitarist Keith Richards. The baby was born just…
Super gonorrhoea puts on glasses to avoid detection, doctors warn
Doctors believe that super gonorrhoea may put on a pair of glasses to avoid being properly identified by medical staff. Super gonorrhoea can be difficult…
Cash strapped NHS forced to charge 5p for each body bag
The NHS will be forced to charge patients 5p for each body bag they use due to lack of funds, it’s emerged. Cash strapped and…
Woman beats teen alcoholism by turning 20
A woman has revealed how she’s overcome her struggles with teen alcoholism by turning twenty. Beth Metcalfe, 20, has been an alcoholic for five years,…
Woman allows headache to become full-blown migraine before taking painkillers
A local woman has allowed her headache to linger long enough to become a full-blown migraine before taking painkillers, according to reports. Alice Houghton, 29,…