Prime Minister Boris Johnson has revealed that he’s struggling to make ends meet ever since his boss put him on a zero-hours contract.

Johnson is now only paid whenever Dominic Cummings calls him in the morning to come into work, something that doesn’t happen very often.

‘He only calls when he needs me in for something routine like PMQs, so I’m only getting a couple of hours of work a week at the moment. It’s not enough for me to survive on, even though I’m getting free lodgings at the moment. Someone really needs to do something about these zero-hour contracts, they’re not on,’ said the Prime Minister.

But Cummings has defended the move, calling it a more economical way of running the country.

‘I don’t need an employee like Boris getting under my feet all the time when I’m trying to make important decisions. He has his uses, there just aren’t many of them.’

The switch to a zero-hours contract could explain why Prime Minister Johnson hasn’t been seen in public lately.

Or he could just be a fat, lazy bastard.