The Bill Gates 2.0 update will come without any of the compatibility issues that hindered the performance of its predecessor, according to Bill Gates.

Gates, sporting a gold hoop earring, says that he is working hard on an update to himself that will be smarter, faster and more compatible than the current version.

‘It’s clear that the market is demanding an update, so I’m working hard on bringing Bill Gates 2.0 to the public as soon as possible.

‘I’ll have more memory, I’ll run faster and I’ll be 100% compatible with women from ages 18-40 – maybe older if they’re really hot,’ said the Microsoft founder.

Gates currently has a team of professors, fitness trainers and life coaches working on the update. He’s also bought himself a new sports car to go with his new earring and image.

‘It’s not a midlife crisis,’ he was quick to point out. ‘It’s a whole new update, that’s all.’