“Lone wolf” wouldn’t be so alone if he wasn’t such a bellend
A man who describes himself as a “lone wolf” wouldn’t be so alone if he wasn’t such a bellend, it’s emerged. Michael Clarke, 37, lives…
Articles by David Marrs
Zuckerberg scraps metaverse after someone wrote “NERD” on his avatar’s forehead
Mark Zuckerberg has scrapped Facebook’s plans to build a fully functioning metaverse after his avatar was repeatedly written on while it was asleep. The final…
Snob watching adult film claims the book was better
A snob watching an adult film claims that the movie has missed a lot of key plot points from the novel it was based on….
Danny Zuko told to self-isolate after reporting multiplying chills
Danny Zuko has been ordered to isolate after reporting a severe case of the chills and a total loss of control, presumably of his bowels….
McDonald’s announce that only vaccinated employees will be allowed to jizz in the mayo
McDonald’s have announced that only vaccinated employees will be allowed to jizz in the mayo to help prevent the spread of Covid. The decision came…
Boris and Carrie Johnson announce name of new baby girl, Theresa
Boris and Carrie Johnson have named their new baby daughter Theresa Potato Waffle Johnson, they have revealed. The prime minister explained the couple’s choice of…
One way to prepare your Christmas ham
I think we can all agree that a Christmas turkey has become blasé. We’re all sick and tired of sitting down on Christmas Day and…
Home brewed wine left to age to perfection for three days
A batch of home-brewed wine has been left to age to perfection for about three days, it’s emerged. With the need to drink A LOT…
Chris Rea releases “Driving Home for Christmas” follow-up “Dying for a Piss in a Traffic Jam”
Middlesborough rock legend Chris Rea will release a follow-up to his immensely popular 1988 song “Driving Home for Christmas” called “Dying for a Piss in…
Not worth going anywhere once you factor in other people, study finds
A study has found that it’s completely pointless going anywhere or doing anything because other people are bound to ruin your experience. Whether it’s going…