24000 BC: Aliens drop a nuclear bomb on Earth, erasing all previous history.

1217 AD: The birth of Jim Davidson’s sense of humour.

1457: The first-ever printed book is published in Germany. David Hasselhoff’s autobiography goes on to be a roaring success.

1787: The Ottoman Empire invents a comfortable footrest/storage solution.

1902: Felix Wankel invents the rotary engine in a testament to what can be achieved by children who’ve been bullied over their name.

1912: Birth of American golfer Ben Hogan. He passes his athletic genes on to his son, Hulk.

1956: Elvis Presley records his hit single “Hound Dog”. The song was originally called “Hot Dog” but Elvis was unable to make it through the chorus without drooling.

1961: The construction of the Berlin Wall begins, as overseen by President Donald Trump.

2013: Birth of Prince Andrew’s current girlfriend.