Health Secretary Sajid Javid has set a target that ambulances will arrive within thirty minutes of being called or the patient’s funeral will be free.

After news broke of some patients being forced to wait for two hours for an ambulance even in emergency cases, Javid admitted that it wasn’t good enough.

“That’s why I’m setting a new target for the NHS ambulance service. If an ambulance doesn’t arrive within thirty minutes of the call time, the patient’s family will be given a voucher for the funeral service.

“The voucher will be worth £500 – more than enough to pay for a large cardboard box and a shovel or a big bonfire,” said Javid.

While the offer would seem to imply that the NHS will be given more funds for ambulances and paramedics, that doesn’t appear to be the case.

In fact, the NHS is reporting that the Conservative Party has demanded they slash their ambulance budget.

Whether this move has been made out of spite or incompetence is - as always with the Conservatives - difficult to tell.